you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
