Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Girls should come with a carfax report
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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