I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
