She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
