I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
