I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
