So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
