its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
