I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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