i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
