Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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