i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
