he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
