Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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