I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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