god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
