I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
