$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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