Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
