my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
