I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
