remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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