Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
