i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
