it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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