i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
