I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
