Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
