I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
