Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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