Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's the barista slut.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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