there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
