I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
