Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
