Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
