I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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