I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
