Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
