just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
false alarm, still single
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
