people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
