On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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