somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So much Jack, so little girl.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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