I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
