peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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