You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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