When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
