Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
