'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
