Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
