she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
