I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
